Next, a toast to my employer for mandatory “printer training”.  17 whole minutes on how to push the big green button!  WOOT!

Finally, a toast to my supervisor, who emailed me this:

“Oh!  Completely unrelated!  In WoW there is an item from the most recent holiday, the Brew of the Month Club.  Each month, you get a new brew in the mail and you can buy more if you like it.  The first month was Binary Brew.  Not very strong, but you get five minutes of speaking either Gnomish or Goblin Binary (10111001).

This month, it’s Acorn Brew.  Get drunk on it, and a squirrel arrives and either loves you (hearts over its head) or bounces an acorn off of your head – complete with  *doink* sound – and runs off.  It’s adorable.”

‘Nuff said.  Time to be getting trashed.

I choose to start this review with the article that sparked our antipathy, The Hive Mind.

I was reading the submission guidelines for Associated Content:

“3. Content must exhibit correct grammar, sentence structure, spelling and punctuation and follow our formatting guidelines (see below).”

What I couldn’t see is any way to report violations, and based on everything else I’ve read about or by him, I’m sure every single article he has posted there is also a violation.

Moving right along, thanks to a Blogger profile, we have a website: Writings from the Grave

Sadly, the number of pop ups from this site put my browser into the grave, so I have no useful information to share.

Hey look! I found a post on CheapAssGamer! This gives me a whole list of sites to work through, let’s see what we’ve got (granted, said post was made in 2006):

Seven Points of Insanity, apparently the “official” forum of “Author, Publisher, and Editor Nickolaus Albert Pacione”. I’m still waiting for my registration email with password so I can log in and check it out.

EDIT:  Total Topics: -19226 –   Total Posts: -23022. Somebody doesn’t seem to know how to NOT delete posts.

Some sort of Xanga blog that hasn’t been updated often, and not since April of 2008. His interests:

“atagonizing, pissing people off, pissing on society in their eyes”

Aside from the obvious misspelling at the beginning, what does “pissing on society in their eyes” mean? That “they” see him as pissing on society, or that he is pissing on society by pissing in “their” eyes? And who is he referring to?
As this computer has no speakers at the moment, it’s not worth trying to play the video he posted in April.

Next up, we have another page on Xanga:

“nickolauspacione’s site has been shut down for violation of Xanga’s terms of use…”

Well, considering his attitude most recently, that’s not surprising.

Deadjournal: Suspended journal

Nicky’s Amazon blog, where he’s wrong on one thing I can easily verify, which makes me believe he’s pretty much just wrong.

“The article called The Hive Mind deals with these types in a professional nature.”

Considering that the article was so unprofessional as to be unreadable, I have no idea how exactly he’s dealing with “these types”.

A private MySpace profile

DeviantArt profile, where it seems like just another web presence to bitch about the unfairness of life.

Personal Quote: “Fuck Off”

So far it seems that rather than promote himself or his authors online, he’d rather just bitch about people that don’t agree that he’s a good author. If I were interested in writing, this is a vaguely humanoid being that I would avoid at all costs. His attitude and reputation can only be bad for anybody associated with him.

There will be more later, when I get bored again.

from me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
to “npacione”
date Fri, Sep 12, 2008 at 11:42 AM

Hi,

I’m just curious, how long have you been writing? Has it all been horror/fiction? Do you have anything that isn’t, that I could read? I’m not a very big fan of horror.

Thanks!

from Nickolaus Pacione
to me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
date Fri, Sep 12, 2008 at 11:54 AM
subject Re:

18 years next month I’ve been writing horror, four years writing science fiction, and 18 years writing non-fiction. I got a non-fiction article that you can read called The Hive Mind.

from me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
to Nickolaus Pacione
date Fri, Sep 12, 2008 at 12:16 PM
subject Re:

Science fiction is my favorite! Have you got any published, online or off? I will definitely check out The Hive Mind too!

Thanks again!

from Nickolaus Pacione
to me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
date Fri, Sep 12, 2008 at 12:47 PM
subject Re:

Look up Tales of the Talisman 2.1 and 2.4 and Withersin 1.1

from me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
to Nickolaus Pacione
date Thu, Oct 2, 2008 at 6:25 PM
subject Re:

I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand your point in The Hive Mind. Do you speak English as a second language? It reads almost like the nearly incoherent reversed grammar of some immigrants I know. Or like George W Bush and his made up words.

from Nickolaus Pacione
to me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
date Thu, Oct 2, 2008 at 7:01 PM
subject Re:

I guess you understand goonspeak then asshole. Go fuck yourself goon

from me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
to Nickolaus Pacione
date Fri, Oct 3, 2008 at 6:53 AM
subject Re:

There’s another thing. I don’t even know what you mean by goonspeak. I guess this means that you *don’t* speak English as a second language. This is a pretty big overreaction, calling a reader an asshole because she didn’t understand what you wrote. Is this normal?

And the next thing I know, he’s IMing me on Gmail.

7:05 AM Nickolaus: Do you have a fucking life?
7:06 AM me: i do. do you?
Nickolaus: Tell me something — did you make your career out of being a SomethingAwful goon
me: i don’t know somethingawful, so no
Nickolaus: raping someone’s privacy — kindly fuck off.
me: do what?
how was your privacy rape?
Nickolaus: fuck off loser.
7:07 AM me: why are you such an ass to a reader?
7:08 AM i think i’m going to have to check you out online, you don’t seem like you want a readerbase.
this is abnormal behavior and you should probably seek professional help for it
7:09 AM Nickolaus: Fuck off asshole
7:10 AM me: you started this. i made a comment on the readability of your article. i don’t understand why you’re so angry, or why you’re accusing me of being a “goon”
what exactly have i done?
Nickolaus: well you are a goon asshole
me: what is a goon?
Nickolaus: encouraging the piracy of my book
me: what makes me a goon?
what piracy?
7:11 AM Nickolaus: The shit on http://autoaim.org
me: the only thing i’ve read by you is the The Hive Mind, the article you linked to me
i’ve never even heard of that website before
Nickolaus: oh bullshit — you were harassing me before I even wrote The Hive Mind
7:12 AM me: i never heard of you until the day i emailed you first
do you have some sort of personality disorder that makes you believe you are the center of everybody’s universe?
7:13 AM Nickolaus: how about this suggestion, FUCK OFF
7:14 AM me: i made a comment about readability and am subject to foul language, immature attitude, apparently involved in piracy for reading an article you sent me to, that you don’t even own the rights to, and have somehow been harrassing you since before i heard of you. add to that, YOU started harrassing me on IM this morning for no apparent reason.
7:15 AM which, on a random side note, is the first time i have ever used this gmail IM thing
7:16 AM can you be a man and explain to me what exactly i did that was piracy, or in any way involved SomethingAwful?
7:17 AM I dislike being accused of being something i’m not, in this case, a goon

And when he logged off or ignored me or whatever, I felt the need to email him again.

from me me <meme8840@gmail.com>
to Nickolaus Pacione
date Fri, Oct 3, 2008 at 1:39 PM
subject Re:

After researching you a little more on the internet, I would like to apologize. I am sorry I ever contacted you and tried to read your work.

You are a man that is unable to accept any sort of criticism, as you have proven to me in your IM comments. Not only are you unable to accept this criticism, rather than defending yourself like a normal person would, you attack the person who disagrees. As you did to me.

I swear to you by all that is holy I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member, or “goon”, of SomethingAwful. Nor do I ever intend on becoming one.

I had heard of you long before I heard of autoaim, read The Hive Mind before every learning anything about autoaim, and have never once visited that website. I do not know anybody associated with that website, I have never communicated with anybody associated with that website.

You have not yet told me how I am a “goon”, or how I have engaged in any sort of “piracy”. I have never copied your works from anywhere to anywhere, I have never even quoted anything you’ve written, with or without credit given.

In my humble opinion, you have, barely, enough intelligence to drown in a prairie, and I wish you good luck in that endeavor. I will be sure to never visit your pages on Associated Content again, I will never purchase anything that has your work in it, and I will encourage all those I meet to stay clear or risk being caught in the fallout of your chemical implosion.

Good day,

Lisa Godare

No, I am not now nor have I ever been a member of SomethingAwful. After all this though, I will be. On payday. If I’m going to be accused of something, let it be accurate. Since he was wrong, let’s make him right. Except for that whole “piracy” thing, because I’m fairly certain that being exposed to his writing in any form, even reposting without reading it, slowly bleeds off your intelligence. I need brain bleach.

Originally posted on MySpace February 25, 2007

Although I will admit that calling him an idiot at the end was a little over the top.

[Hurricanefay]: The main bots Recipe and Help are Funcom’s
To [Hurricanefay]: everything i’ve seen online states otherwise.
[Hurricanefay]: org bots are players
To [Hurricanefay]: helpbot was even apparently BANNED by funcom last summer
[Hurricanefay]: So Funcom may have teh rights to it now
To [Hurricanefay]: i would need proof of that. a statement in the forums that is completely opposite of everything i’ve read so far.
[Hurricanefay]: think logical why would an ARK say throw it in as a bug all the bots were probably created by Funcom and realeased publicly in first place
[Hurricanefay]: take for instance clciksaver that probably was created by a Dev majority of Third party Programs even in SWG were created by Devs in the game
To [Hurricanefay]: not true. do a google search and you’ll know. funcom released XML databases, players wrote the bots that use them.
[Hurricanefay]: The released teh XML Databases then yes a player could build it
[Hurricanefay]: but they would need a massive amount of computer skills to even build something like clicksaver or helpbot
To [Hurricanefay]: that is exactly the way it works. google it and learn. funcom does not own helpbot. funcom does not run helpbot.
To [Hurricanefay]: and no, they wouldnt. helpbot is written in PHP.
[Hurricanefay]: only reason then to report as a bug is because they have the player who built it contact info
[Hurricanefay]: or was a dev which created and still works for Funcom
[Hurricanefay]: Devs would not state that foi it was created by one of them since it is against EULA
To [Hurricanefay]: or more likely, the ARK, who is a player volunteer and NOT an employee of funcom, also thought, like you, that it is run by funcom
[Hurricanefay]: But, the one who leads teh ARKs is a Funcom Employee if not mistaken
[Hurricanefay]: And, not all who respond are ARKs but GMs
To [Hurricanefay]: if you refuse to actually look it up online, i am sorry for you. i am sorry for your extreme lack of intelligence in this matter, and your gullibility. i am not sorry, however, for /ignore. you have a brain, excercise it. look it up online and THEN make an INFORMED opinion. ARK are not given any more information, generally speaking, than nonARK players. this i know for a fact. use your brain, and I may be willing to deal with you again.
[Hurricanefay]: I have 9 PhDs use a logical conclusion
[Hurricanefay]: and only someone with elsser intelligence pouts someone on ignore
To [Hurricanefay]: idiot

Originally posted on MySpace March 24, 2008

I’d like to add to this one, the bold part is true, i did know that for a fact, because at one time in my history of playing I was one of those ARK volunteers.

Originally posted on MySpace, July 5, 2008